Tiny Road Trip Time.

Going away used to be like this. “hey, let’s go somewhere.” 
You packed some things, brought with you whatever it was that you needed where you went, and you left. That was it. 
Now, when we want to leave, it goes more like this. 
“Do you grab that?” 
“Can you bring me those?” 
“Did you think about this?” 

Two people run through a house to ensure they have everything packed and ready to go. When it usually takes thirty minutes, it takes two hours to get ready and leave, which would be alright if things went my way. *Oh, you will hear those two words more in these blogs, BUT do know that my way isn’t a fixed way; it’s just how I would prefer things happen so that I could cope with them.*

I would plan everything forehand, in my mind, that is. But last Friday, the last day of the year. We (read mostly me) had expected AJ would sleep for at least 1,5 hours — as he had done a few times already. We were sipping our teas, talking about what needed to be packed or done. When AJ woke up. And there was no going back to sleep. (Ducking teething) So we ended up hauling him through the house in a carrier to get things packed. Which he didn’t enjoy all too much, and I didn’t either. 

I did not have two hands free to pack up my things and leave, to go through the list of things in my mind that needed to come with us. It was one hectic nerve-wracking thing, and I ran around like a chicken without its head. 
This also resulted in my husband and I bitching against each other because nothing went as we wanted it (and yes, this time it’s we. We both didn’t expect to be doing this with an awake baby who’s not feeling all too well.)
We finally managed to get (most) of the things I had in my mind. And my husband was smart enough to go out and pick up the things we needed from the baker, which allowed me to run through the house like a madwoman and grab the items. 

We finally got in the car, with AJ tired (he didn’t sleep after his first 30 minutes power nap) and cranky and us too. We had to go to the store as I dropped AJ’s oatmeal powder onto the floor, which made my already hyper brain go in overdrive, and the morning became even worse for me. Nothing in my mind could go right; nothing would be alright just because the oatmeal dropped. And the already not planned hectic morning, but that did it.

Even when everything was packed, we had everything we needed and didn’t forget anything to bring with us. (We did forget to give the cats some extra cat food, but fixed that by asking a friend) 

When we got in the car and finally on the road, I seemed to relax, and the trip became fun. 
But those tiny things, those not in my mind planned out happenings, can drive me nuts. It’s pretty stupid at some point, as I know I can handle unexpected things without much of a problem. But sometimes, dropping the oatmeal can be too much. It can get me out of my rhythm, flow, or how you want to name it. And it can ruin my whole day. 

I know it’s an Autism part, but changes are complex for me. But why would one change in a day be worse than another? Was it (this time) the double changes in my plan, AJ waking up early and not being able to sleep and then dropping the oatmeal? Was that what flicked the switch. I think so, and maybe a few other tiny things played their part. 

How am I going to “handle” these moments? Because as a mom, I will have many many many, did I already say many… more of those moments.
Do I count to ten? Do I turn myself off and go through the list as if I’m a robot? Do I cry in the corner of my house? Do I scream and get frustrated (the last part I might do internally). But will those things help?

I don’t know; I do know that I need to figure out a way not to let those moments impact my day. Maybe (random pop-up thought) I need to say aloud to myself. “This happened. It’s done. It won’t change, take a breath and fix it, then continue with the next step.” 

Because that’s all, I can do at that moment. Take it as it is; I can’t go back into the future and prevent it from happening. It would be epic if I could, but that’s an awesome fantastic dream. 

It’s worth a try, and I do hope it will help in a way I think it needs to help. 

Taking those things less as a colossal hurdle might help me get through my days easier. 

So new years resolution. When things happen, accept them and continue. One hurdle doesn’t mean that the day is over or that the planning in my mind has been compromised; just that tiny moment, and I can always add it afterward. Or accept it; I can’t control some things. Now I hope it will work. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me (if you want)

Published by Serena Nova

Hello, I'm a new author in this world. I'm an Indie author, and this is what I do in my daily life. The weird conversations I have with my computer, cats, and boyfriend. How I process all the things that happen around me and how it all goes. Greets

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