Saturday the 15th.
They never told me that it would go through bone and marrow when your child would cry, that it would feel like being hit by a hundred hammers with spikes on them.
I can handle crying when I know why. He hit his head or doesn’t want to sleep, but he’s tired. But when he cries because he cries. It’s horrible; it’s a nightmare, it’s so much energy!
Today, AJ cried because he is teething. He’s been teething for a good 14 weeks now, with days that we hardly notice anything. And then some days feel like a tiny war in our house. It’s terrible to watch, to see him in pain. We usually cuddle, sing songs, make him laugh, and all will be fine. But an hour or two ago, he wouldn’t even bounce with us. He wasn’t consolable.
What do you do then? In the end, we gave him paracetamol (a Dutch painkiller). And now he’s asleep, after his bottle and his father reading to him. My husband and I both feel empty now. We are drained of all the energy we might have had. I know we made the right decision to give him some pain relief; after the watermelon, our fingers, wooden chewing toys, bouncing, and cuddling didn’t work. Still, I just wished those annoying little teeth would pop through! Which would make him feel better, give us some rest too (until the next thing).
Being a baby is hard; being a mother isn’t easy either. I love him, and I would go through fire for him. Only I know that days like these drain me until I’m empty. They are hard and part of motherhood. I accept them to the best I can. And I know I need to relax before going to sleep because I’m overstimulated and if I do not take time for myself. I’ll be cursing myself tomorrow for it!
Motherhood, me and autism 