Be the wrecking ball in the world.

And I do not mean in the literal sense.
What I do mean is, be me. Be my own perfect, achieve my own goals and expectations.
Because I’ve always believed that people would watch me, judge me, and criticize me for who I am and what I do or say. They do because they do. Do I hear it? No, do I imagine most of it? Yes! Most people in the world wouldn’t even care about me or think twice. They are too focused on themselves. So why would I focus on them and make me feel unworthy of their (which isn’t even their) attention? Other question. Do I even what their attention? No.

I want to be happy! I want to be, love my life, do it my way and have what I deem perfect. Not some picture of what I think the world expects of me.

I am me. I am a young woman, a new mom, a writer, and a wife, and I am proud to have Autism and ADHD. Do you know why? Because they are my fucking perfect. They make me who I am; my path to get here made me who I am. Not the neighbors I have never spoken to or the far aunt I do not even know.

Yes, I know that all the burdens that I placed on myself came from my insecurity and feelings from being alone and different. But I am not different; I am me.
If I want to go running with a pink umbrella in my hands, who says I shouldn’t. Am I harming someone with it or bothering people with it? No. It might look funny, but it is doing its job if it makes me happy.

Why would I thrive for a perfection that doesn’t even exist in this world? When the conversation goes that way, I always say to people, “we live in a shitty world that isn’t perfect, ” so why do I not listen to my advice. The world sucks; should I feel like that too? No! Should you, not at all!

If I want to take care of my family and myself, I need to lift those non-existing presumptions and expectations off my shoulders. And only place back what I expect from myself, what I care about and how I want to look back to when I’m old wrinkled, and bothering my grandchildren with stories of the good old days.

And most of all, not strive for an ideal that doesn’t exist.

I am who I am, and why should I be perfect when I already am.