I do not understand that question! First of all, who are you to ask that question? It doesn’t matter if you are family or not; the question is not yours to ask.
It is always up to the parents, the two who will be raising that second child.
I couldn’t believe it when I got the question, in one form or the other. We were parents a few months now, and there it was. When will the second one be there? Or when are you planning on getting pregnant again?
I was so relieved that I could answer two things, “I am advised not to be pregnant in the first year after the c-section.” And the second answer was, “it is not your business, as it is up to us to decide if we want a second child.”
And yes, of course, you get the side eye, the “but it’s such a joy to have brothers or sisters” of course it is. I like mine, but it also depends on how my husband and I can raise a second child.
AJ is amazing; I will do everything for him! Which also means looking back at the last year and wondering if I would want to go through it all. And yes, it sounds selfish! But come on! If I am incapable of taking good care of AJ because I am tired and nauseous, it won’t do any good. The nine months haven’t been fun for me, it took all my energy, and I had depression. Is it wise to just dive back into that again?
Sure the next pregnancy might be different, but it might not be. It could be worse, and then? I must swallow it all and have a second child because that is “expected?” *shakes head* no!
I would not have a second child because people ask it. Or it is a “norm.”
If we decide to have a second child, it is because we want to. We can handle it, and we also wish AJ to have the joy (and troubles) of having a sibling.
But that decision will be made with care. I instead give 200% to AJ and enjoy life how it is, then goes through a whirlwind of maybes to have a second child.
I do have to say that I am not opposed to a second pregnancy or child. I would love the child as much as I do, AJ. I do think things will be different as we know more than we did before. Still, the question that arises with these thoughts is, “will it be smart.” And “can I handle losing myself for another year or two?” Because that’s how I felt the last year and nine months.
Yes, you get so much back. And it is beautiful to see those pictures and videos of AJ back. How tiny he was and how he grew into this little boy he is now. I just do not know if I could do it again. Even if I know, I can. We will see what the future will bring.
The question is still unanswered by my husband and me. And again, it is not a question that someone should ask. At least not right after the first one was born.
Motherhood, me and autism 