Autism as a straight jacket.

I feel trapped inside the diagnosis of autism, trapped in what I know about it, what I feel, and what isn’t or is autism.

Autism, for me, is a freeing diagnosis that has started to become a straight jacket.

Every week I, every day even, have to look at what I will be doing. And every time, I need to figure out if I can go to this party on Saturday and do something fun with my family on Sunday. Or go out on a Thursday with AJ, going to a busy place. And could I go and have a drink with a friend on Friday? Before my autism diagnosis, I would have done all that and not even noticed the overstimulation, the tiredness, and everything else that is part of my autism. I would have continued.

But now…. Now I look at all the planned things, and I have to think about which plan I should say no to. And do not forget the unexpected things; they drain me even more than the planned ones. I can’t go out two days after each other. Going to a restaurant is a lot, while it hadn’t been before. I still can’t understand that change. Why are things from before hard now? The question I seem to get back to every time is, what has changed?

Not much has changed; I am not much different than before. I only have more knowledge. But why is that knowledge negative at the moment when it should be (in my opinion) only positive?

I wished I had an answer. Al I can do for now is go with the flow, catch myself before I fall, and see where I can change, learn and get more balance.

Published by Serena Nova

Hello, I'm a new author in this world. I'm an Indie author, and this is what I do in my daily life. The weird conversations I have with my computer, cats, and boyfriend. How I process all the things that happen around me and how it all goes. Greets

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: