I am tiresome.

There are so many things I do to myself; I’m mostly talking about the pressure and stress I add to my life. The high quality I am looking for but absolutely not need, which I do know. Still, I need to succeed in everything I do and be because of what I am worth withoutContinue reading “I am tiresome.”

The lone knight

I am who I am—a banana ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry. Cheerful, full of flavor, energy, and a pop of color. But I am always accompanied by a dark rich chocolate sauce that melts away the ice cream and covers everything with its powerful flavor. Overpowering everything I am or who IContinue reading “The lone knight”

How the fuck.

I work twice a week at a small but fantastic company. I feel lucky to be able to work there. But today… how the fuck am I going to explain to them that I am nothing word for the day? AJ has been sleeping poorly. Awake at different times of the night. And we doContinue reading “How the fuck.”

How do they do it?

I love the game “the grass is greener on the other side.” you might call it differently. But I always (even if I try not to) compare myself to others: other writers, other mothers, other women, or anyone who has something I would want to. I know it’s a horrible game, and I should stop.Continue reading “How do they do it?”

My number one enemy

I am my enemy—at least one of them, but the biggest. My husband always said to me, stop thinking. And how I wished I could follow that advice. My medication for my ADHD helps, it slows it down, and that’s it. Which in a way, is enough for me. I wouldn’t want to shut downContinue reading “My number one enemy”

Feelings and how I (do not) handle them

We all have feelings, and we all handle them differently. I always get confused from mine. Mostly because I never knew if they were true or not. I saw how others dealt with their emotions and compared how I handled mine.It also didn’t help that my mother wasn’t an emotional person. I love her, andContinue reading “Feelings and how I (do not) handle them”

My (forever) growing toolbox

I have always been different from those around me. I noticed early on that I had to deal with it because I had to be “Normal” to fit in and be like the others.If I could time travel, I might have told myself to let that thought go slightly. A tiny bit, as it alsoContinue reading “My (forever) growing toolbox”

How pregnancy influenced me

I had never expected that my pregnancy would influence my brain this much. Our planning – and yes, we underestimated pregnancy a lot! – was for us to get pregnant (of course) and for me to be writing and still be working. Growing a baby wouldn’t be that hard, right?At the moment, I could slapContinue reading “How pregnancy influenced me”

Over stimulation now and then

There are two before and afters for me. One was before I got the diagnosis of Autism, and the second one was before I became a mom. Before I got the diagnosis, I did not think I had many problems with noise, light, people, busy places, and everything else. I did have days I endedContinue reading “Over stimulation now and then”

Be the wrecking ball in the world.

And I do not mean in the literal sense.What I do mean is, be me. Be my own perfect, achieve my own goals and expectations.Because I’ve always believed that people would watch me, judge me, and criticize me for who I am and what I do or say. They do because they do. Do IContinue reading “Be the wrecking ball in the world.”