The lone knight

I am who I am—a banana ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry. Cheerful, full of flavor, energy, and a pop of color. But I am always accompanied by a dark rich chocolate sauce that melts away the ice cream and covers everything with its powerful flavor. Overpowering everything I am or who IContinue reading “The lone knight”

How the fuck.

I work twice a week at a small but fantastic company. I feel lucky to be able to work there. But today… how the fuck am I going to explain to them that I am nothing word for the day? AJ has been sleeping poorly. Awake at different times of the night. And we doContinue reading “How the fuck.”

Would I rather not know?

The official diagnosis came around March 2021. This was one year and three months ago; time goes by quickly. I still ask myself, what if I hadn’t known? What would life look like then? I have no idea. There are days I do wish I didn’t know that I did not know I was autistic,Continue reading “Would I rather not know?”

How do they do it?

I love the game “the grass is greener on the other side.” you might call it differently. But I always (even if I try not to) compare myself to others: other writers, other mothers, other women, or anyone who has something I would want to. I know it’s a horrible game, and I should stop.Continue reading “How do they do it?”

Aaah, how is the baby?

We all do it; we ask about the baby first, which is natural and all OK. It’s a new life, and it’s beautiful. I never felt left out when people came over to see AJ as a baby in the first weeks of his life. I found it perfectly fine that they didn’t ask meContinue reading “Aaah, how is the baby?”

How I underestimated motherhood.

Being a mother was something I had expected I could do without even thinking about it. I am a caring and loving person; I was always the person who made sure my friends came home when they were drunk from a night out. For me mother, is described as a person who gives up everythingContinue reading “How I underestimated motherhood.”

My number one enemy

I am my enemy—at least one of them, but the biggest. My husband always said to me, stop thinking. And how I wished I could follow that advice. My medication for my ADHD helps, it slows it down, and that’s it. Which in a way, is enough for me. I wouldn’t want to shut downContinue reading “My number one enemy”

Feelings and how I (do not) handle them

We all have feelings, and we all handle them differently. I always get confused from mine. Mostly because I never knew if they were true or not. I saw how others dealt with their emotions and compared how I handled mine.It also didn’t help that my mother wasn’t an emotional person. I love her, andContinue reading “Feelings and how I (do not) handle them”

My (forever) growing toolbox

I have always been different from those around me. I noticed early on that I had to deal with it because I had to be “Normal” to fit in and be like the others.If I could time travel, I might have told myself to let that thought go slightly. A tiny bit, as it alsoContinue reading “My (forever) growing toolbox”

Be the wrecking ball in the world.

And I do not mean in the literal sense.What I do mean is, be me. Be my own perfect, achieve my own goals and expectations.Because I’ve always believed that people would watch me, judge me, and criticize me for who I am and what I do or say. They do because they do. Do IContinue reading “Be the wrecking ball in the world.”