Acceptance, how the fuck?

What is acceptance? Some are easy, accepting a gift from someone, accepting that it hurts when you hit your toe. But accepting that you are and always be different than the society around you. It has plunged me into depression, tiredness, and sadness. I have been fighting the acceptance that I am different for someContinue reading “Acceptance, how the fuck?”

Autism as a straight jacket.

I feel trapped inside the diagnosis of autism, trapped in what I know about it, what I feel, and what isn’t or is autism. Autism, for me, is a freeing diagnosis that has started to become a straight jacket. Every week I, every day even, have to look at what I will be doing. AndContinue reading “Autism as a straight jacket.”

I am tiresome.

There are so many things I do to myself; I’m mostly talking about the pressure and stress I add to my life. The high quality I am looking for but absolutely not need, which I do know. Still, I need to succeed in everything I do and be because of what I am worth withoutContinue reading “I am tiresome.”

Tired and angry rant

I feel like I am giving up more and more… I can’t do too much; I can’t plan my weekends full, spontaneous meetings, watch a movie late, run when I want to or do anything unplanned with friends or my husband and child. Because if I do too much today, I am worth shit tomorrowContinue reading “Tired and angry rant”

The lone knight

I am who I am—a banana ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry. Cheerful, full of flavor, energy, and a pop of color. But I am always accompanied by a dark rich chocolate sauce that melts away the ice cream and covers everything with its powerful flavor. Overpowering everything I am or who IContinue reading “The lone knight”

How the fuck.

I work twice a week at a small but fantastic company. I feel lucky to be able to work there. But today… how the fuck am I going to explain to them that I am nothing word for the day? AJ has been sleeping poorly. Awake at different times of the night. And we doContinue reading “How the fuck.”

Would I rather not know?

The official diagnosis came around March 2021. This was one year and three months ago; time goes by quickly. I still ask myself, what if I hadn’t known? What would life look like then? I have no idea. There are days I do wish I didn’t know that I did not know I was autistic,Continue reading “Would I rather not know?”

How do they do it?

I love the game “the grass is greener on the other side.” you might call it differently. But I always (even if I try not to) compare myself to others: other writers, other mothers, other women, or anyone who has something I would want to. I know it’s a horrible game, and I should stop.Continue reading “How do they do it?”

Finding out how to plan my new life

I’ll probably write a few of these blog posts as this will be a trial and error kind of learning. So some posts may contradict one another; I try to remember what I have written before and adjust or link posts to each other. Still human, so please be kind if I say a firstContinue reading “Finding out how to plan my new life”

My number one enemy

I am my enemy—at least one of them, but the biggest. My husband always said to me, stop thinking. And how I wished I could follow that advice. My medication for my ADHD helps, it slows it down, and that’s it. Which in a way, is enough for me. I wouldn’t want to shut downContinue reading “My number one enemy”