Feelings and how I (do not) handle them

We all have feelings, and we all handle them differently. I always get confused from mine. Mostly because I never knew if they were true or not. I saw how others dealt with their emotions and compared how I handled mine.It also didn’t help that my mother wasn’t an emotional person. I love her, andContinue reading “Feelings and how I (do not) handle them”

Feeling alone

I like being alone, doing my own thing. Only it’s not the same as feeling alone.Surrounded by my family and friends, I still feel invisible. It makes me feel alone. I wake up alone; I take care of AJ alone; I go to bed alone. And yes, my husband is there; he helps, and heContinue reading “Feeling alone”

My (forever) growing toolbox

I have always been different from those around me. I noticed early on that I had to deal with it because I had to be “Normal” to fit in and be like the others.If I could time travel, I might have told myself to let that thought go slightly. A tiny bit, as it alsoContinue reading “My (forever) growing toolbox”

How pregnancy influenced me

I had never expected that my pregnancy would influence my brain this much. Our planning – and yes, we underestimated pregnancy a lot! – was for us to get pregnant (of course) and for me to be writing and still be working. Growing a baby wouldn’t be that hard, right?At the moment, I could slapContinue reading “How pregnancy influenced me”

Over stimulation now and then

There are two before and afters for me. One was before I got the diagnosis of Autism, and the second one was before I became a mom. Before I got the diagnosis, I did not think I had many problems with noise, light, people, busy places, and everything else. I did have days I endedContinue reading “Over stimulation now and then”

Be the wrecking ball in the world.

And I do not mean in the literal sense.What I do mean is, be me. Be my own perfect, achieve my own goals and expectations.Because I’ve always believed that people would watch me, judge me, and criticize me for who I am and what I do or say. They do because they do. Do IContinue reading “Be the wrecking ball in the world.”

Rewording words.

Why would a stool be a stool? Why has that name that meaning? I do know to rename a seat and have the whole world use the new name would be ridiculous. But why couldn’t I give some new meanings to words or rename certain words using similar versions? Who says I can’t do that.Continue reading “Rewording words.”

Forgetting my meds….

For those who do not know, I have ADHD and Autism. This is a fun mix, I do not filter, and my brain goes so fast that I have found ten things in the house to be done before I even set my foot out of my bed in the morning. I have medication forContinue reading “Forgetting my meds….”

Seeing the world through his eyes

I’ve always wondered if what I see, do or say are correct or even normal. I’ve been aware of not being normal (and they are my own words, and how I felt in this world.) for my whole life. I always knew I was different; I never knew how or why until the diagnoses ofContinue reading “Seeing the world through his eyes”

When did I feel it all?

When did I feel like a mom? When did I feel the love? You hear people saying they are mothers or fathers when their baby arrives. That there’s this instant switch that flipped in their minds and “poof.” They are mom and dad. For me, it wasn’t like that. Of course, I was a motherContinue reading “When did I feel it all?”