Acceptance, how the fuck?

What is acceptance? Some are easy, accepting a gift from someone, accepting that it hurts when you hit your toe. But accepting that you are and always be different than the society around you. It has plunged me into depression, tiredness, and sadness. I have been fighting the acceptance that I am different for someContinue reading “Acceptance, how the fuck?”

Autism as a straight jacket.

I feel trapped inside the diagnosis of autism, trapped in what I know about it, what I feel, and what isn’t or is autism. Autism, for me, is a freeing diagnosis that has started to become a straight jacket. Every week I, every day even, have to look at what I will be doing. AndContinue reading “Autism as a straight jacket.”

Tired and angry rant

I feel like I am giving up more and more… I can’t do too much; I can’t plan my weekends full, spontaneous meetings, watch a movie late, run when I want to or do anything unplanned with friends or my husband and child. Because if I do too much today, I am worth shit tomorrowContinue reading “Tired and angry rant”

The lone knight

I am who I am—a banana ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry. Cheerful, full of flavor, energy, and a pop of color. But I am always accompanied by a dark rich chocolate sauce that melts away the ice cream and covers everything with its powerful flavor. Overpowering everything I am or who IContinue reading “The lone knight”

How the fuck.

I work twice a week at a small but fantastic company. I feel lucky to be able to work there. But today… how the fuck am I going to explain to them that I am nothing word for the day? AJ has been sleeping poorly. Awake at different times of the night. And we doContinue reading “How the fuck.”

Would I rather not know?

The official diagnosis came around March 2021. This was one year and three months ago; time goes by quickly. I still ask myself, what if I hadn’t known? What would life look like then? I have no idea. There are days I do wish I didn’t know that I did not know I was autistic,Continue reading “Would I rather not know?”

Finding out how to plan my new life

I’ll probably write a few of these blog posts as this will be a trial and error kind of learning. So some posts may contradict one another; I try to remember what I have written before and adjust or link posts to each other. Still human, so please be kind if I say a firstContinue reading “Finding out how to plan my new life”

My number one enemy

I am my enemy—at least one of them, but the biggest. My husband always said to me, stop thinking. And how I wished I could follow that advice. My medication for my ADHD helps, it slows it down, and that’s it. Which in a way, is enough for me. I wouldn’t want to shut downContinue reading “My number one enemy”

Over stimulation now and then

There are two before and afters for me. One was before I got the diagnosis of Autism, and the second one was before I became a mom. Before I got the diagnosis, I did not think I had many problems with noise, light, people, busy places, and everything else. I did have days I endedContinue reading “Over stimulation now and then”

Seeing the world through his eyes

I’ve always wondered if what I see, do or say are correct or even normal. I’ve been aware of not being normal (and they are my own words, and how I felt in this world.) for my whole life. I always knew I was different; I never knew how or why until the diagnoses ofContinue reading “Seeing the world through his eyes”