Acceptance, how the fuck?

What is acceptance? Some are easy, accepting a gift from someone, accepting that it hurts when you hit your toe. But accepting that you are and always be different than the society around you. It has plunged me into depression, tiredness, and sadness. I have been fighting the acceptance that I am different for someContinue reading “Acceptance, how the fuck?”

Autism as a straight jacket.

I feel trapped inside the diagnosis of autism, trapped in what I know about it, what I feel, and what isn’t or is autism. Autism, for me, is a freeing diagnosis that has started to become a straight jacket. Every week I, every day even, have to look at what I will be doing. AndContinue reading “Autism as a straight jacket.”

I am tiresome.

There are so many things I do to myself; I’m mostly talking about the pressure and stress I add to my life. The high quality I am looking for but absolutely not need, which I do know. Still, I need to succeed in everything I do and be because of what I am worth withoutContinue reading “I am tiresome.”

Tired and angry rant

I feel like I am giving up more and more… I can’t do too much; I can’t plan my weekends full, spontaneous meetings, watch a movie late, run when I want to or do anything unplanned with friends or my husband and child. Because if I do too much today, I am worth shit tomorrowContinue reading “Tired and angry rant”

The lone knight

I am who I am—a banana ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry. Cheerful, full of flavor, energy, and a pop of color. But I am always accompanied by a dark rich chocolate sauce that melts away the ice cream and covers everything with its powerful flavor. Overpowering everything I am or who IContinue reading “The lone knight”

How the fuck.

I work twice a week at a small but fantastic company. I feel lucky to be able to work there. But today… how the fuck am I going to explain to them that I am nothing word for the day? AJ has been sleeping poorly. Awake at different times of the night. And we doContinue reading “How the fuck.”

When will he have a brother or sister?

I do not understand that question! First of all, who are you to ask that question? It doesn’t matter if you are family or not; the question is not yours to ask. It is always up to the parents, the two who will be raising that second child. I couldn’t believe it when I gotContinue reading “When will he have a brother or sister?”

Admitting to your fears.

I have help; once a week (if we manage to plan it), my coach comes to my house to talk, give suggestions, and help me explain things that have happened. At the moment, we mainly talk, as it’s one of the best ways for me to figure out problems I walk into. This time IContinue reading “Admitting to your fears.”

A snippet from Thursday

27 January….. I do get scared, maybe too much. It’s not the kind of scared you are for a spider or something that makes your flight or fight instincts kick in. No, for me, it’s a scared or a fear that’s constant. Thoughts like, am I doing it alright, is this how it needs toContinue reading “A snippet from Thursday”