Autism as a straight jacket.

I feel trapped inside the diagnosis of autism, trapped in what I know about it, what I feel, and what isn’t or is autism. Autism, for me, is a freeing diagnosis that has started to become a straight jacket. Every week I, every day even, have to look at what I will be doing. AndContinue reading “Autism as a straight jacket.”

I am tiresome.

There are so many things I do to myself; I’m mostly talking about the pressure and stress I add to my life. The high quality I am looking for but absolutely not need, which I do know. Still, I need to succeed in everything I do and be because of what I am worth withoutContinue reading “I am tiresome.”

Tired and angry rant

I feel like I am giving up more and more… I can’t do too much; I can’t plan my weekends full, spontaneous meetings, watch a movie late, run when I want to or do anything unplanned with friends or my husband and child. Because if I do too much today, I am worth shit tomorrowContinue reading “Tired and angry rant”

Would I rather not know?

The official diagnosis came around March 2021. This was one year and three months ago; time goes by quickly. I still ask myself, what if I hadn’t known? What would life look like then? I have no idea. There are days I do wish I didn’t know that I did not know I was autistic,Continue reading “Would I rather not know?”

Admitting to your fears.

I have help; once a week (if we manage to plan it), my coach comes to my house to talk, give suggestions, and help me explain things that have happened. At the moment, we mainly talk, as it’s one of the best ways for me to figure out problems I walk into. This time IContinue reading “Admitting to your fears.”

How do they do it?

I love the game “the grass is greener on the other side.” you might call it differently. But I always (even if I try not to) compare myself to others: other writers, other mothers, other women, or anyone who has something I would want to. I know it’s a horrible game, and I should stop.Continue reading “How do they do it?”

Aaah, how is the baby?

We all do it; we ask about the baby first, which is natural and all OK. It’s a new life, and it’s beautiful. I never felt left out when people came over to see AJ as a baby in the first weeks of his life. I found it perfectly fine that they didn’t ask meContinue reading “Aaah, how is the baby?”

Finding out how to plan my new life

I’ll probably write a few of these blog posts as this will be a trial and error kind of learning. So some posts may contradict one another; I try to remember what I have written before and adjust or link posts to each other. Still human, so please be kind if I say a firstContinue reading “Finding out how to plan my new life”

Rewording words.

Why would a stool be a stool? Why has that name that meaning? I do know to rename a seat and have the whole world use the new name would be ridiculous. But why couldn’t I give some new meanings to words or rename certain words using similar versions? Who says I can’t do that.Continue reading “Rewording words.”