How do they do it?

I love the game “the grass is greener on the other side.” you might call it differently. But I always (even if I try not to) compare myself to others: other writers, other mothers, other women, or anyone who has something I would want to. I know it’s a horrible game, and I should stop.Continue reading “How do they do it?”

Aaah, how is the baby?

We all do it; we ask about the baby first, which is natural and all OK. It’s a new life, and it’s beautiful. I never felt left out when people came over to see AJ as a baby in the first weeks of his life. I found it perfectly fine that they didn’t ask meContinue reading “Aaah, how is the baby?”

Finding out how to plan my new life

I’ll probably write a few of these blog posts as this will be a trial and error kind of learning. So some posts may contradict one another; I try to remember what I have written before and adjust or link posts to each other. Still human, so please be kind if I say a firstContinue reading “Finding out how to plan my new life”

How I underestimated motherhood.

Being a mother was something I had expected I could do without even thinking about it. I am a caring and loving person; I was always the person who made sure my friends came home when they were drunk from a night out. For me mother, is described as a person who gives up everythingContinue reading “How I underestimated motherhood.”

Feelings and how I (do not) handle them

We all have feelings, and we all handle them differently. I always get confused from mine. Mostly because I never knew if they were true or not. I saw how others dealt with their emotions and compared how I handled mine.It also didn’t help that my mother wasn’t an emotional person. I love her, andContinue reading “Feelings and how I (do not) handle them”

Feeling alone

I like being alone, doing my own thing. Only it’s not the same as feeling alone.Surrounded by my family and friends, I still feel invisible. It makes me feel alone. I wake up alone; I take care of AJ alone; I go to bed alone. And yes, my husband is there; he helps, and heContinue reading “Feeling alone”

How pregnancy influenced me

I had never expected that my pregnancy would influence my brain this much. Our planning – and yes, we underestimated pregnancy a lot! – was for us to get pregnant (of course) and for me to be writing and still be working. Growing a baby wouldn’t be that hard, right?At the moment, I could slapContinue reading “How pregnancy influenced me”

A snippet from Thursday

27 January….. I do get scared, maybe too much. It’s not the kind of scared you are for a spider or something that makes your flight or fight instincts kick in. No, for me, it’s a scared or a fear that’s constant. Thoughts like, am I doing it alright, is this how it needs toContinue reading “A snippet from Thursday”

A snippet from Saturday

Saturday the 15th. They never told me that it would go through bone and marrow when your child would cry, that it would feel like being hit by a hundred hammers with spikes on them.I can handle crying when I know why. He hit his head or doesn’t want to sleep, but he’s tired. ButContinue reading “A snippet from Saturday”

When did I feel it all?

When did I feel like a mom? When did I feel the love? You hear people saying they are mothers or fathers when their baby arrives. That there’s this instant switch that flipped in their minds and “poof.” They are mom and dad. For me, it wasn’t like that. Of course, I was a motherContinue reading “When did I feel it all?”